This collection of funny quotes and sayings is multi functional. They are good for all kinds of occasions: birthdays, anniversaries, family meetings etc. People will laugh and you will create a very positive and friendly atmosphere for everybody present.

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Funny Quotes To Laught At With Friends

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

I worry whoever thought up the term “quality control” thought if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand. – Jane Wagner

You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you. – Steven Wright

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. – Fred Allen

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Hilarious Quotes About Everything

Do you need some hilarious quotes which you could use for composing interesting messages and greeting cards for your best friends and colleagues. Read the following hilarious quotes and find the best ideas for your congratulation.

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye!!!!!

How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town.

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

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Short Funny Quotes To Cheer You Up

Here, you will find the best short funny quotes for you and your best friends. A saying can be very short, but it will make many people laugh. This is the best mood booster you have ever read.

I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer.

Ham and eggs—a day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and have the world wondering how the hell you did it.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin Franklin

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Cool Quotes To Bring A Smile To Your Face

A message which will have a deep meaning is better be written with the help of these cool funny quotes.

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he knows what it is.

A fool isn’t someone who is wrong, a fool is someone who is afraid of being wrong.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

A hotel minibar allows you to 
see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

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Funny Quotes About Life

Life can’t be taken too seriously, otherwise, why would we collect all of these funny quotes about life? They describe common life situations with a good humor.

Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. – Will Rogers

Try an internship! Internships give you all the experience of a summer job without the hassle of a paycheck.

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

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Funny Quotes With Jokes

If you like to make jokes and have a good laugh, these hilarious jokes are what you need right now. Do not hesitate to share them with your friends and colleagues.

Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

You do not become smarter by blowing your own horn. You become smarter by being humble.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Friends are like Boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are Real. Some are Fake.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Cute And Funny Quotes

Your message with inserted funny cute quotes will make your dear person very happy and cheerful. Spread these wonderful sayings online and you will get a feedback.

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. – Charles Dudley Warner

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

People are like chocolates some soft centered some hard some are just plane nutty.

I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.

Funny Images For A Good Mood

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