Ronald Ulysses Swanson or just Ron Swanson is a Parks and Recreation TV series character performed by incredible Nick Offerman. Ron is a perfect example of a reserved and masculine man. He loves things like hunting, drinking whiskey, eating meat and avoiding communication with other people. As for the last, we understand you, Ron, we really do. But the real fame has come to Ron Swanson after a thread of hilarious I’m a simple man memes. So did we tell enough to convince you that Ron Swanson is a funny fictional character with incredible charisma and zero of emotions? If you need more proofs, the best Ron Swanson quotes will make you understand him better and, of course, make your day better.

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Best Ron Swanson Quotes

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.

My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me, then we divorced, then last week I ran into her sister Beth here; turns out she hates Tammy too, so we started dating.

It’s like a fairy tale.

I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.

Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. But you know the worst thing about her? She works for the library.

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.

I don’t drink alcohol from that portion of the color spectrum.

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.

History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.

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Funny Ron Swanson Quotes

If you enjoy watching television series Parks and Recreation, you will definitely enjoy reading the following funny Ron Swanson quotes. Isn’t it the right time to watch the series once again from the very beginning?

Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

When I look at my palm I see a lady’s mouth French kissing a dog. Is that normal?

Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.

The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.

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Ron Swanson Inspirational Quotes

Ron works as a director of Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department. Even though we know little about his background since he’s quite private with his life, we do know that Ron despises any kind of talking to the public, he always gets straight to the point and he doesn’t like government. This is enough to make you want to read the best inspirational and motivational Ron Swanson quotes.

Prepare to experience true freedom and bliss.

My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.

There’s only on thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.

That’s Swanson family mash liquor made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. It’s only legal use is to strip varnish off of speedboats… We use it to burn warts off of the mules.

Child labor laws are ruining this country.

If you go back and look at a lot of that stuff [like Ron’s trip to Lagavulin], you might see a tear rolling down my face.

Ron, would you like a salad?

Ron: Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not.

Ron: When I eat, it is the food that is scared.

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Ron Swanson Motivational Quotes

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model.

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

I would wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.

The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.

Ann was getting a little chummy. When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name, to let them know I don’t really care about them.

There is only one bad word: taxes.

I’m not interested in caring about people.

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

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Ron Swanson motivational quotes on photos

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Ron swanson inspirational quotes on pics