This collection of funny quotes and sayings is very multi functional. They are good for all kinds of occasions. Birthdays, anniversaries, family meetings are nice occasions to say these funny quotes to cheer people up. People will laugh and you will create a very positive and friendly atmosphere during the meeting.
In our pursuit to find the enemy we come face to face with ourselves.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
I worry whoever thought up the term “quality control” thought if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand.
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
Do you need some hilarious quotes which you could use for composing interesting messages and greeting cards for your best friends and colleagues. Read the following hilarious quotes and find the best ideas for your congratulation.
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye!!!!!
How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town.
A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.
The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.
Short funny quotes
Here, you will find the best short funny quotes for your best friends. A saying can be very short, but it will make many people laugh. This is the best mood booster you have ever read.
I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer.
Ham and eggs—a day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig
When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and have the world wondering how the hell you did it.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
To write a message which will have a deep meaning is better to do with the help of these cool quotes. These words are very wise and can touch people’s hearts easily.
I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he knows what it is.
A fool isn’t someone who is wrong, a fool is someone who is afraid of being wrong.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.
A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
Funny life quotes
Every life is unique and the same can be said about the following funny life quotes. They describe common life situations with a good humor.
It is a damned poor mind indeed that can’t think of at least two ways of spelling any word.
Try an internship! Internships give you all the experience of a summer job without the hassle of a paycheck.
You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise.
Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.
I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
If you like to make jokes and to laugh, these hilarious joke quotes re what you need right now. Do not hesitate to share them with your friends and colleagues.
Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
You do not become smarter by blowing your own horn. You become smarter by being humble.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Friends are like Boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are Real. Some are Fake.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Funny cute quotes
Your message with inserted funny cute quotes will make your dear person very happy and cheerful. Spread these wonderful sayings online and you will make many people happy.
I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
And every six months, she would trade in her aging sheep for a new one. Because without a little lamb, Mary didn’t know who she was.
Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
People are like chocolates some soft centered some hard some are just plane nutty.
I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.